December 29, 2015

Bennett Chronicles

4:23pm

Every toy I own goes in the bath with me. Batteries or not.

One Christmas present broken, many more to go.

December 20, 2015

10:45 am

Oh, the weather outside is frightful!

Just kidding...its 72 degrees in Texas today! 

November 29, 2015

5:30pm

Why Dad and Mom thought the counter was a good spot for our mini Disney tree, I have no idea.  It was totally adorable, but entirely too high for me to see.  Pulling it down was honestly the only option.

So really, the broken ornaments are their fault.  Who spends that much money on ornaments anyways??

November 22, 2015

8:41 pm

Bennett: Momma, what are you thankful for?

Momma: I'm thankful for YOU!

Bennett: Well I'm thankful for HEB.

November 18, 2015

4:35 pm

Me: Momma, hold my balloon while I eat.

Momma: Why can't I let it go?

Me: It will make me so sad. I don't love it.

October 6, 2015

4:00 pm

I thought Momma was a teacher?!?  

Coulda fooled me.

Someone needs to tell her that her direction-giving skills are lacking.  When she says to "pick up" a little clarification would have been nice.

November 5, 2015

3:50 pm

This angle was perfectly planned for when I came flying towards Momma and farted.

October 30, 2015

12:10 pm

See that Donald right there??  

In the chaos of leaving the park last night, I grabbed this right off a shelf at the gift shop from my stroller and no one even noticed until we hit the parking lot.  

I'd call that a win.

#KleptoInTheMaking

#MommaPaidLater

October 18, 2015

This Weekend

Yep, I'm the bravest 3 year old you know.  Halloween stores don't scare me a bit.

Bring on the haunted houses!

October 21, 2015

7:09 pm

I take back all the mean things I've ever said about Momma.  

Thanks to her (and my bladder), I just experienced the highlight of my life: peeing in the grass at football practice.  

Tonight made potty training all worth it.  Who wants to use a diaper when the whole world is at your disposal?!?

Momma's mumbling something about having created a monster...

October 17, 2015

11:55 am

Momma thought she'd be adventurous and try the zipline.  She obviously needs to stick to thirty-three year old activities like sipping wine on the couch.

I didn't even know Pops had a goose but it laid an egg on Mom's head when she slammed it into the the steel pole she was supposed to use as a handrail.

At least she can't blame this on me.

October 14, 2015

4:49 pm

I've been in the bath for an hour and a half.  

Stressful day at the office.

Mom, if you're reading this, I'm expecting my dinner to be served in here tonight.

October 11, 2015

11:57 am

I've been framed.

There's not enough evidence here to prove I'm guilty.

Where's my lawyer??

October 8, 2015

3:46 pm

Our family will be at Disney in 17 days!  We are going to the Halloween party as a circus family.  Deacon's clown costume just came in and he wants NOTHING to do with it, even after I modeled it for him.

Momma is stressing to find something he will wear...

October 7, 2015

Momma taught me a lesson today...

Wanna know what true love is?

A husband that cleans poop out of the bathtub two nights in a row.

#PutTHATOnAHallmarkCard

July 31, 2015

1:25 pm

Permission to brag?

Too bad, I'm doing it anyways!

Momma said I'm a sweetheart and I pretty much am.  Yesterday mom put our lives in danger by throwing us in front of wild animals with only a tiny bowl of food to protect us from being eaten.

Deacon threw his food even when animals weren't around just because when else do we get to throw food?!?

I realized he would be a goner with that empty tub between his legs.  I took it upon myself to share mine without even being asked.

Yep, they don't all come as cute and thoughtful as me.

July 29, 2015

9:14 am

We are running late taking Deacon to therapy, but we're laughing too hard to make it out the door.

Did you know that you can see your booty in the mirror when you're nudey?!?

July 4, 2015

3:34 pm

I be flossin' for the party.

Yes, it requires an ENTIRE package to floss like me.

July 11, 2015

9:34am

I thought crap was a bad word. Dada said the craps gave him Benjamins and that's supposed to be a good thing. 

July 3, 2015

7:56 am

This week Mom gave me the option of either giving up my pacifier or going in the potty.

There's NO WAY I'm going in that potty.  So any time I ask for my pacifier she tells me I have to potty first to get it.  

I'm now on day 5 without a pacifier, which means I haven't used the potty a single time.

I sure showed her.

June 23, 2015

9:39 am

Today's Momma's birthday. The housekeeper is coming so we get to spend the entire day in public with her creepy post-laser face and me acting like this.

Happy birthday! 🎉

June 8, 2015

11:34 am

It's so fun to put stuff in the sink!! I haven't see my parents use the pipe grabber toy in a while and figured putting Momma's wedding ring down the drain would do the trick!!

I was right!! She immediately grabbed the toy and got it out!!

Boy, they sure are lucky I'm around.

July 16, 2015

9:48 am

Know who makes the best wingman? My momma! 

See that little redhead back there? I drug Momma over there to introduce me. Seriously.

Her name is Charlotte and I'm already referring to her as my girlfriend.

July 17, 2015

1:25 pm

Dada said I could have new Legos. 

Look what I got!  

...for some reason my dad doesn't want to play them with me anymore.  I don't mind, 'fia and I will play by ourselves.

July 28, 2015

10:20 am

Momma needs to get her act together. 

I'm having to go out in public with two different shoes because we couldn't find a set. She acted all thrilled because they at least covered both feet, but I feel like a freak.

Is there a grievance department I can send my complaint to? She needs to be written up on this work from home gig.

August 1, 2015

3:57 pm

I'm sending an SOS from timeout.  I am 100% sure Momma never told me specifically that I COULDN'T stand on my dresser.  So how can I be punished?!?

August 5, 2015

9:05 am

😷Bennett: ::SNEEZE::

😘Momma: Bless you

😡Bennett: You no say bless you.

😕Momma: What?? Why??

😡Bennett: You say bless you to yourself! 

I'm going to be buckets of fun today.

August 13, 2015

9:23 am

Bennett: 1

Momma: 0

Momma keeps telling me that I have to use the potty to play in the big kid room at the YMCA.  Obviously she doesn't know how I work.

I just sent one of the employees to find her and let her know that I "get bored and am too active" for the toddler room. (In other words, I'm too wild for those boring babies).

Guess who'll now be wearing his pull-ups in the big kid room?

August 15, 2015

8:38 pm

My cousin Ethan knows how to tame me by putting me in time out ON the fridge.  I'm trying to pretend it bothers me, but I don't think I'm fooling anyone.

August 17, 2015

1:26 pm

Notice anything different about me??

Since I can't read, I'll just go ahead and tell you: I'm wearing big boy underwear in public.

I think I see tears of joy in my Momma's eyes.

August 19, 2015

3:00pm

No, I'm not throwing gang signs, just wanted to show you the sticker I got today!

You'll never guess where I got it!  Today I went to Deacon's school...scratch that, MY and Deacon's school!!

I had fun, made new friends, AND wore underwear exclusively for the second day in a row!!  Momma is so excited about our new adventures in therapy with Deaky.  She says I'm going to learn so much and will have an open heart to all kinds of friends! I think I'm a pretty lucky kid.

August 22, 2015

8:30 am

What were you doing at 8:30 this morning?  By this point I've already been up over an hour, eaten breakfast, and taken a bath.

None of that was nearly as fun as discovering we had another pack of water balloons in the closet.  

My strategy for getting what I want usually consists of me convincing Deacon that it's a good idea, then there's no possible way Momma can resist our cuteness.

So here we are. Deacon and me in our swimmers, Mom in her jammies still yawning.

August 23, 2015

9:16 am

If Mom thought she could hide from all this Christmas cheer today she was sorely mistaken.

I wore the scrooge down by following her around the house shrieking that she needed to wear the hat AND carry the rapping Santa.  Can you see the holiday spirit gleaming in her eyes now??

I'm thinking we need to put the tree up next...

August 28, 2015

10:50 am

I'll just sit here quietly and let you relish in my cuteness.

August 30, 2015

7:22pm

Momma doesn't like to tell a lot of people, but her very favorite hobby is playing with toys in the bathtub. 

Unlike my brothers, I go out of my way to make her soak much more enjoyable by adding these guys to the water so that she can go "fishing" for them or risk getting stabbed in the butt by one of their sharp edges.  

She's going to miss this someday.

September 1, 2015

4:14 pm

Dada & Momma were so excited to go shopping for brand new kitchen appliances!

There was way too much attention being paid on something that wasn't me and I was not having it.  I thought it would be appropriate to kick, scream, and run down the aisle to be back in the spotlight and boy was it affective.  EVERYONE was looking at us.

When the checker asked if there was anything else the 'rents needed, they asked if Lowes took in children.  Lucky for me they don't.

September 3, 2015

4:02 pm

I'm going to need you to have a seat; I don't want to injure you with this news.

I JUST WENT POTTY IN THE POTTY!!!!

Mom may have bribed me with a new Octonaut toy, but let's not judge.

September 4, 2015

5:00 pm

Highlight of my life: playing trains with my girl Kennedi.  

I have a feeling Mom is going to stalk us with photos the entire weekend. Luckily we don't take a bad pic.

September 6, 2015

5:45pm

Kennadi and I are super excited about Cayden's birthday!  One of us may have slightly adjusted the decorations on the cupcakes, but neither of us are admitting it.

There's a chance I unwrapped all of Cayden's presents while he was taking a nap too, requiring Brandi to rewrap them.

I'm pretty sure I am Cayden's best friend.

September 9, 2015

5:56 pm

I may have told a lie to my teachers this week...  

Momma's now offering to make this for dinner every night.

What I have I gotten myself into??

September 10, 2015

5:14 pm

I need to update my resume to include pickpocket.  I would have gotten away with it this time if Meme hadn't ratted me out.

On a sidenote, I promise I wear clothing. Sometimes.

September 10, 2015

7:55 pm

I told Momma me playing with the food coloring could have gone a lot worse.  I figured I would give her a night off with only a tiny scare.  

She didn't even thank me.

September 14, 2015

6:10 pm

Dada went to grab towels while I dumped an ENTIRE bottle of baby shampoo in the bath and turned on the jets.

Foam party at my house, everyone's invited. 

September 15, 2015

4:16 pm

My name is Bennett and I have a new trick.  

When I get mad, I strip off all my clothing.

September 15, 2015

7:38 pm

Momma's friends got a special group message from me tonight! And there was NOTHING Momma could do about it... 👊🏼

September 17, 2015

2:59 pm

Look whose mom didn't pack an extra shirt. My poor bro had to leave school in drag today and as you can see he wasn't impressed.

September 20, 2015

8:40 pm

Okay, so maybe I got the song wrong...I thought you put the lime in the toaster and cooked it all up.

Dada informed me in timeout that it's "put the lime in the COCONUT and DRINK it all up."

Oops.